"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." —J. R. R. Tolkien

Friday, August 26, 2011

YA INDIE CARNIVAL: FIRST PARAGRAPH

It's time again for the YA Indie Carnival, an awesome group of weekly bloggers blogging about the same topic! Wait, you haven't heard of the YA Indie Carnival? You're totally missing out. But no longer!

Okay, here's the deal! Each Friday, because Friday is awesome, we all blog about the same topic. This week's topic?

FIRST PARAGRAPH OF A WORK-IN-PROGRESS

I admit it. I share work with my critique group, but otherwise, I'm not much of a sharer. But what I am is a reviser. So what I'm going to share today is the FIRST DRAFT couple paragraphs of SOLSTICE and then a look at how it turned out after revisions.

For note, what was chapter one in the first draft became chapter 2 in the final version of SOLSTICE. So the text we're looking at is what is now chapter 2. What I love is how little ended up changing here (aside from adding an entire chapter).

And if you want to see more of this chapter, you can check it out on the extras on my website on this hidden page.

FIRST DRAFT SOLSTICE (CHAPTER 1)


If I knew he was the Lord of Hell, I wouldn’t have sat next to him. But when I walk into Social Sciences, his face turns to me, and echoes of secrets smolder behind his dark eyes. His lips move into a flicker of a smile, and a piece of his thick, dark mane falls across his forehead. He’s big and buff and flat out gorgeous. He seems to glow of mystery and darkness; is that even possible? In short, he sums up every single thing my mom tells me to avoid. So I sit down next to him.

“You’re late, Piper,” Mr. Kaiser says.

I shrug and drop my backpack onto the ground next to me. “My mom called the office.”

On cue follows the idiotic crack from Randy Conner I know will come. “Making sure you got out of the bathroom OK?”

The class snickers, and I turn around and shoot Randy my best glare, avoiding looking at the new guy next to me. But my peripheral vision catches him, and my heart tightens into something resembling a Gordian knot; he’s staring right at me.


FINAL VERSION SOLSTICE (CHAPTER 2)



(insert a whole new chapter, and then…)
(insert some more stuff to transition from the new chapter to this one, and then…)

When I walk into Social Sciences, there’s a new guy sitting right where I normally sit near the windows. His face turns to me, and his eyes are the first thing to catch my interest. They’re dark like chocolate and filled with shadows. His lips move into a flicker of a smile, and a piece of his dark hair falls across his forehead. He makes me think of mysteries and secrets. In short, he sums up every single thing my mom tells me to avoid. So I sit down in the empty seat next to him.

“You’re late, Piper.” Mr. Kaiser’s already started class.

I pretend not to look at the new guy and drop my backpack onto the ground. “My mom called.”

I wait for the idiotic crack from Randy Conner which I know will come. He doesn’t disappoint. “Making sure you got between classes okay?”

The class snickers, and I shoot Randy my best glare. But my peripheral vision catches the new guy, and my heart tightens into something resembling a Gordian knot; he’s staring right at me.

*****

You can check out all the amazing Indie Carnival author/bloggers below:


Dani Snell's Refracted Light Reviews
Patti Larsen (The Ghost Boy of MacKenzie House, The Diamond City Trilogy)
Courtney Cole (Every Last Kiss, Fated, Princess, and Guardian)
Wren Emerson (I Wish)
Laura Elliott (Winnemucca)
Nichole A. Williams (Eternal Eden, and the upcoming Fallen Eden)
Fisher Amelie (The Understorey)
Amy Maurer Jones (The Soul Quest Trilogy)
Rachel Coles. Geek Mom. Book Reviewer (Diary of a Duct Tape Zombie, Whistles, Beergarden, Plagues, Bees of St. John, and Mushrooms)
T. R. Graves (Warriors of the Cross)
Cyndi Tefft (Between)
P.J. Hoover (Solstice, The Emerald Tablet, The Navel of the World, The Necropolis)
Alicia McCalla (Breaking Free)
Heather Cashman (Perception)

7 comments:

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

I love seeing how stories changed throughout revisions. Always so fascinating. :)

Patti Larsen said...

OH but I LOVED that opening line!!! LOL fantastic story.

laurasmagicday said...

PJ, Love the revise. The description [oh, how I LOVE description!] is aweseome in the first version, but the revise pacing is so much better! Thanks for sharing.

T. R. Graves said...

I will read this AND recommend it to my daughter. It really seems like something she would enjoy. Have a great weekend!

Heather Cashman said...

Amazing transformation. Your writing drew me in from the beginning. I am loving solstice, and am looking forward to my plane ride tomorrow just so I can finish it!

PJ Hoover said...

Thanks, everyone, for visiting!

Kelly H-Y said...

Very fun/cool to read the transformation from first to final draft! (I have to admit, I liked how the first draft opened! :-)). You're good!!!